We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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