Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
