Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
