I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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