you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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