Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
