i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
