please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
