Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
