you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
