"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
