Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
