So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
