when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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