so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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