Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize