The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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