he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
