I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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