I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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