I have demons in me.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
