He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
