You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
