My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
