My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
