Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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