So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
