sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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