just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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