There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
