I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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