just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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