he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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