tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
