Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
