i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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