Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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