i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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