I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
