on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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