My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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