He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
