I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize