Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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