I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
