I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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