Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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