you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i think my cat just said my name.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
