i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
