My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Pants are for mortals
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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