I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
