Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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