chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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