I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
