I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
