You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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