No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
