just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
