keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
