what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
