How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
