It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize