somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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