I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
