And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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