she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
