In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
