I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's always time for handjobs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
