Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.

Fav 26 3773 1014
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.

Fav 22 5473 979
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(404): View more from Georgia

Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...

Fav 10 4920 1263
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(870): View more from Arkansas

I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body

Fav 15 808 2423
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(845): View more from New York

Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit

Fav 9 2238 738
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(310): View more from California

I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.

Fav 5 1361 784
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(406): View more from Montana

We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.

Fav 11 1357 683
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock

Fav 4 687 352
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??

Fav 0 78 8
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