I molested 6 butterflies tonight
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
