if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
