ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
