I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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