there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just found a bag of teeth...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
