my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
