we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
