I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
