I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
