Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
