I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
