The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
