They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the liver wants what the liver wants
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
