i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
