I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
