I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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