Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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