He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
