do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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