she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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