Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
