btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
