I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
