You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
