yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize