The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
