Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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