Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
this just has baby written all over it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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