I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
