You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
