What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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