i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
