Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize