my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
