sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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