Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
