i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
