Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize