DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
