dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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