Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize