i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
