I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
