I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
