I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think i have two assholes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
