Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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