I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize