it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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