I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
