how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
