Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
