You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
