Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
