Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
