in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
